Friday, November 5, 2010

Steven Tyler vs. Joe Perry.....does a girl really need to choose which?

     I <3 love <3 Aerosmith. I mean....I love kick-ass Aerosmith. I have been a fan of theirs for 22 years. I think that they're so kick-ass that I actually have their logo tattooed across the small of my back. My favorite guitar player of all times is Joe watch him do that thing he does, and lose himself in the music, just makes me wild. The way Steven and Joe play off of one another is just classic, and I do think when these five bad-boys of Boston take the stage, they make up one complete person.

And there is no denying that I found Joe Perry sexy. There is something primitive to his looks and essence. And when he plays that guitar, contorting his body in to these funky positions, yeah...I wish that I was the guitar he runs his hands over.


But now at the age which I am, and the lack of new material coming from the best band from love for them has diminished slightly. Although they will always be my favorite band, and I *DO NOT* regret my Aerosmith tattoo.....I'm just not feeling them like I used to. Plus their personalities, as they age are becoming more visible. Where as Steven Tyler is one to support charities and do good, Joe Perry is all about making the all-mighty dollar...selling his old equipment on e-Bay for his own personal gain, while also slandering his supposed best friend. And as you know you know someones inner beauty/ugliness is always apt to come to the surface...and honies.......Joe Perry isn't looking too fine, if you know what I mean.

Joe Perry's inner-ugliness is coming to the surface, and he is not aging well AT ALL. It is hard for me to even see the young, hot Joe who used to turn me on. And let's not think I'm just being snarky. Steven isn't the cute Demon-of-Screamin' any longer either. There's something botox-y or facelift-ish which just doesn't sit right with me.

So you can imagine my surprise and wonderment this morning, when I woke up from a baffling dream which included Joe perry, Steven Tyler, Ida, and this brown-eyed girl. WTF, yo? Let me share my dream/wonderment/nightmare with you all....because  it is rather funny, to say the least.

The dream:     Ida and I are up in the North-East area of America.....turns out we're in Maine. I'm scouting for a venue to have the NYSIP Christmas party at, as I want to make it special for my group. I meet the catering manager, and he makes me walk up these freaky, steep stairs, meanwhile I'm wearing my gothic boots, with the 5" heals and commenting that these steps are murder. The manager disappears, and I wind up talking to and flirting with this dude who is real cute. He winds up leaving, and then I come across this other guy who I like, and am thinking of hooking up with. (Yeah, this is a XXX Anyway, Ida and I have to go back to Long Island to pick up a camera, and the dude is all "Yeah, you'll never make it back's a long drive." And I'm all "Yeah I will....see ya later." So Ida go back to L.I. and are heading back to Maine...and I see the dude working on the bridge (I have no clue.....) so I call his cell and tell him I'll be back but now he's all "Yeah I changed my mind."

So anyway, here's Ida and I sitting in some hotel bar, in MAINE.....and who comes strutting in but Joe Perry and Steven Tyler. And I'm all 'wholly crap,'s Joe and Steven....JOE & STEVEN!!!" And she's in her glory because it's Steven Tyler....her rock-love. So of course I start chatting them up, all friendly yet casual....acting like I don't realize who they are. And then the drinks start flowing, and Steven and I are flirting with one another. And at one point Steven goes to to play a video game, and I ask Joe what the hell is up with him shoving Steven off the stage the past summer. So Joe admits how all his adult life he had been married to Billie, and how she wore the pants in the relationship and he couldn't do anything without her around. And then one day she gave him an ultimatum that it was either her or Steven...and he blurted out he was choosing his friendship with Steven....and that was the end of his relationship with his wife. But after he thought about why he chose Steven over Billie, he realized he didn't love Steven....but he was IN LOVE with Steven. And for three years he has been secretly in love with Steven, but Steven doesn't reciprocate his feelings, so he chucked him off the stage in a  fit of frustration and anger. And of course the romantic in me is all gooey, and I want them to be together so I ask Joe if he admitted his feelings to Steven. And now all my Joe love is coming to the surface, and Steven returns but I'm like totally not in to him, and all chatty with Joe as Ida chats it up with Steven, and Steven is trying to give me the high sign to go back to his room. But I am totally not making eye contact with Steven because of my Joe Perry.

Then Joe is all flirting with me, to make Steven I decide to help him out....and am flirting with him. And Steven either doesn't care or is oblivious to the whole Joe love. Anyway, Joe asks me if I wanted to go back to his room...and I'm shocked. "But I thought you were in to Steven?" I ask him, confussed. And Joe Perry is like "yeah're easy on the eyes and I haven't gotten any I can bone you. Plus it will get under Steven's skin that I stole his girl. But we have to get to my room without him seeing us. Otherwise he'll never let us split." So Joe and I are very stealthily sneak off to his room....and we're making out, and getting nakkid and wandering the halls to his room in a lusty, drunken, nakkid rush. We come to this crossroads of corridors, totally naked, and there's these vending machines of floral arrangements. And now Joe is all upset because he wants the purple flowers with the butterfly in the arrangement, because he has a small penis and he wants to compensate for his small penis. So now I'm thinking to myself what the hell happened to this cat. small penis issues, gay and yet he's going to screw me. So I firmly tell him he doesn't have a small dick...that it's the biggest I ever saw...and pick him a floral arrangement to get him to his bedroom.

Now we come to his suite (which he's sharing with Steven of course) buck-ass naked and I'm like 'DUDE! You don't have the keycard to get in to your suite." But he's like 'The maid left the door open." And sure enough the door is open, we get in the room, and the decor is very mod style. Cubes and lime green and orange. (What the hell did I smoke before I went to bed???) So anyway, we love-wrangle our way in to Joe's bedroom and have mad, wild, passionate sexually confused rock god/horny chick sex. I spend the night with him, and he's very sweet and then we hear Steven trying to go in to Joe's bedroom. So Joe tells me that I have to hide or Steven would go berserk. SO now I'm making a mad dash to find somewhere to hide in Joe's bedroom as Steven comes in, bitching about the 'broad who teased him, and then blew him off' the night before. And he's bitching and complaining about how the woman got him hot and bothered, and then stood him up...and he missed out on getting laid by another woman because he was waiting for his first pick to show up. (The woman/ first pick being me.) So I'm hiding in this 'closet' type thing with metal door, and sure enough Steven wanders over to it as he and Joe are talking, and he's griping about how Joe has a closet in his bedroom but he doesn't have one in his.

Now he opens the door, but is looking over his shoulder, so doesn't see I pull the door closed. He's tugging on the door to open it to see the size of the closet. I'm holding the door closed with all my might....and not succeeding very well.

I feel someone tug on my arm, and I'm jolted from the dream....eyes flying wide open sure that I got busted hiding in Joe's closet.

But alas and THANKFULLY I AM NOT IN Joe's CLOSET BUT IN MY BED!!! Turns out the kitten startled me awake by tugging on my arm so she could snuggle. Why the hell did I dream of Steven Tyler and Joe Perry? At least in my dream they were the younger versions of themselves. But seriously....look at the now. EEEwwwwwwwwwww. And how bizzare was this dream and what the hell does it mean? And where did it come from? FML!!


  1. As we are chatting via text right now do I really need to relay my thoughts? Oh yeah, I do...
    Bwahahahahaha!!! This amuses me so much. And now you are calling me so I will go snicker on the phone some...

  2. Great....thanks. Glad my nightmare cracked you up so. Thankfully I did not dream of Joe or Steven last night. But it didn't get much better as I dreamnt of 'Squirrle.'

  3. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Noodles is 7!

  4. Leslie....would you like a pain-in-the-ass puggle to keep Noodles company?

    Lola is finally calming down and I adore her.